Demitasse #15

 

Demitasse:  a sip of the Compendium

Special Election edition

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Demitasse is a free sip of the sardonic social commentary and reports of real

life weird that fill the Ladies' Fetish & Taboo Society Compendium of Urban

Anthropology (the Compendium).

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(c) copyright Kathy Biehl 2000

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I am pleased to turn this issue over to Matthew Foster, fellow Aquarian, longtime zinester, and Artistic Director of the Ministry of Cultural Warfare, Minneapolis, MN. Though The Bob Newhart Show was on when I was in college, I have never played the "Hi, Bob!" drinking game. Nor do I usually forward political humor. But Matthew has inspired me to behavior outside my norm. He has given me permission to distribute the following original work of his, which is © Matthew Foster 2000. The work screams, "Forward me!" If you answer the call, please do so *only* with Matthew's copyright notice intact. The piece also appears online at http://www.mocw.org/ope/0011/foster/index.html.


ELECTION 2000 ELECTORAL COLLEGE DRINKING GAME


© Matthew Foster 2000


THE PROCESS AND RULES

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A list of the states is provided to each of the participants. The states, using reliable polling data (this therefore excludes CNN's "scientific" tracking polls), are divided into three categories: (1) Those that are expected to be carried by George W. Bush, (2) Those that are expected to be carried by Al Gore and (3) Toss-up states. (Note on the methodology: This list is a composite of the electoral maps from ABCNews and The New Republic. The reason being is to have more toss-up states.) For each state, there is a list of how many electoral votes they have and a spot for each participant to write which candidate he/she believes will carry the state. ALL BALLOTS MUST BE COMPLETE BEFORE THE CLOSE OF EASTERN TIME ZONE POLLS (generally, 8 p.m. Eastern; 7 p.m. Central; 6 p.m. Mtn; 5 p.m. Pacific). ALL PARTICIPANTS MUST AGREE ON ONE NEWS ORGANIZATION TO GUIDE THEIR ACTIVITIES (because it can take a long time to count all the ballots in this, the world's second-largest democracy, use, say, CBS or NBC's predictions/projections to keep up-to-date). As the election returns come in, each participant must drink according to the following: For decided states: If you have unsuccessfully predicted that a state expected to be carried by one candidate is then carried by the other (e.g., if Texas is carried by Gore or Massachusetts by Bush), you must drink TWICE what is listed in the table below (double the number of sips/shots/drinks/smokes). If you have unsuccessfully predicted the winner of a toss-up state, you must drink/smoke.


If a third-party candidate carries any state, do not drink. Rather, stare at the television, stone-cold shocked. If it is Buchanan who has done this Herculean feat, begin filling out your application to University of Toronto Drinking Table -------------- For states with 3-8 electoral votes: 1 shot (or beer) For states with 9-14 electoral votes: 1 stiff mixed drink For states with 15+ electoral votes (excluding California): 2 shots (or beer) For California: 1 stiff mixed drink (or beer) + 1 shot + 5 cigarettes For your own home state (the one you currently reside in): 1 beer (chugged) If the news organization you're using to keep tabs on the evening's festivities makes a mistake and rescinds its prediction or projection, those who picked the opposite candidate must then drink. The game ends once a winner has been declared, even if polls are still open in Western states. Good luck, and don't forget to vote!


THE BALLOT

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AL GORE California (54) Connecticut (8) D.C. (3) Delaware (3) Hawaii (4) Illinois (22) Maryland (10) Massachusetts (12) New Jersey (15) New York (33) Rhode Island (4) Vermont (3)


GEORGE W. BUSH Alabama (9) Alaska (3) Arizona (8) Colorado (8) Georgia (13) Idaho (4) Indiana (19) Kansas (6) Kentucky (8) Louisiana (9) Mississippi (7) Montana (3) Nebraska (5) North Carolina (14) North Dakota (3) Oklahoma (8) South Carolina (8) South Dakota (3) Texas (32) Utah (5) Wyoming (3) Virginia (13)


TOSS UP Arkansas (6) Florida (25) Iowa (7) Maine (4) Michigan (18) Minnesota (10) Missouri (11) New Hampshire (4) New Mexico (5) Nevada (4) Ohio (21) Oregon (7) Pennsylvania (23) Tennessee (11) Washington (11) West Virginia (5) Wisconsin (11) ========================================================

Red Room Records is open, and its first CD is "Inexcusable!"


One keyboard. Two guitars. Infinite Irritainment.


Featuring the spirited, artistically questionable song

stylings of Lady & the Mant

(who also answer to Rick Mantler & Kathy Biehl)


Ruby Tuesday * Yesterday * Stand By Your Man * Sunshine of

Your Love * Here, There & Everywhere * Wimp * Theme from

M*A*S*H * Guilt Trip * Tomorrow Never Knows * Ben


Order yours from CD Baby!

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Demitasse is an electronic newsletter of highlights from the Ladies' Fetish

& Taboo Society Compendium of Urban Anthropology.  It's published just as

erratically as the print zine, which is to say, whenever.  It will also

contain behind-the-scenes announcements and ramblings that may or may not make it to the photocopied page.  It's free for the asking!


[subscriptions no longer being accepted]

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The Compendium on the World Wide Web:


You are cordially invited to visit Cafe Compendium


http://fortunaworks.com/FortunaWorks/Cafe_Compendium.html


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"the home of an intelligent, sophisticated woman and

cult goddess who has a droll sense of humor and who

notices things." Little Home Page on the Prairie

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